Written in the Stars
by Hayla
Summary: (songfic) Under the night sky, two warriors come to terms with their own feelings of loneliness, finding comfort within each other.


Disclaimer: I own nothing of Ronin Warriors... save for a few djs, cds, movies... but I mean nothing legally... uhh... well, nothing I could make a profit with anyways. ^.~ The song is **Cold Play**'s wonderfully mellow song **_Yellow_**. ****(_they call it mellow yellow... lol..._)

Note: I found my muse again... it was sitting in the bottom of a stack of banana nut pancakes that I ate at two in the morning with crazy, whacked out friends... figures, huh... This story is proudly shounen ai! ~3

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Written in the Stars

by Hayla

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~*~

I watched him from a distance. The light of the house spilled out into the darkness, absorbed quickly by the thick green grass only a few feet away. He was only a silhouette in the moonlight - a faint, ghostly figure set among the bright orbs of the night that reflected even more brilliantly by the pool of water that laid before him.

I noticed how he sat so calmly, collectedly... like the heavens were his for the asking, and he had not a care in the world. Out here, in the dark of the night, the skies alive with celestial light, he was at home. But it was all an illusion, really. I knew better. No matter how things looked, there was always something hidden behind that mask he wore so well, waiting to be revealed. I could relate... I held a similar disguise of my own...

I could stay like this for hours, silently observing him... taking in his beauty and simple peace. In all truth, I had spent many of sleepless nights out here secretly watching... waiting... the timing had never been right. He had it rough as of late... and it had been a long while since I heard his laughter or seen his reassuring smile. I missed him terribly, more than I thought possible. It hurt to see him so troubled, knowing there was little I could really do to comfort his anxious mind. But out here, in the still of the night, when the house was finally quiet and everyone was resting, he would come out here... alone. Perhaps just to think, perhaps only to dream. But he seemed to be searching... searching for something just beyond grasp. Looking for answers that I thought I couldn't even give. 

I found it hard to put myself in his place. We were so different in many ways. Family, for one - mine had always been the center of my life. My rock, my stability - especially my grandfather. I knew that I could always turn to them for support and comfort no matter what may arise. But for him, it was different. The insecurity of not having someone close in your life, like a parent or loved one, must be so hurtful. He put on a brave front for all of us, I know. But every time his mother called up to cancel a dinner date when she was in town, or when his father couldn't even find the time to take off for his own son's birthday, it hurt him - deeply. Despite it all, no matter what we have tried, we couldn't make up for lost family. Even friends can only take you so far. In the end, who did Rowen have to comfort him when times got rough, when he was feeling down, or when he was... when he was sick...

I saw his hand come to cover his mouth and I could hear him coughing forcefully. In concern I took a step closer, listening to make sure that he was okay. He had been like this for weeks now and showed no signs of improvement. Sure, I had forced him to go to the doctors and even administered the medication myself, but it all seems pointless. He wasn't getting better. Only more weak and pale. It was more than just sickness of body that prevented him from getting well. There was a dark cloud hanging over his heavy soul, and nothing had been able to save him yet... not even me.

He looked back up into the heavens and something struck me. Perhaps it was the way the light shimmered off the water, dancing magically across his features, or the way his neck stretched upward, eyes in constant search for some hidden meaning in an obscure constellation. But I realized something now, more then ever before. I tilted my head towards the sky, bright with celestial light, seeing all too clearly what Rowen had forgotten, perhaps what he had been missing all along...

**__**

Look at the stars,

Look how they shine for you,

And everything you do,

Yeah, they were all Yellow...

I made my way slowly to where he was seated, being ever quiet, but with just enough noise to let him know of my presence. I sat carefully next to him, taking in a sobering breath, letting the cool night breeze wash over my heated skin. I could see why Rowen favored this spot. From the soft grass on the bank, you could look out and see nothing but stars. On a clear night such as this, the reflection from the water was even more brilliant, leaving you to believe that the vast sky was truly endless. It was almost as if you could just reach out and grasp the very stars... like grasping a dream...

It hit me then - it was almost too obvious. Now was the time, that perfect time, to say everything I had been meaning to all along, from the moment he had been getting ill, and quite possibly way before. I turned to him and opened my mouth, only to find words not of my own already there...

"Sage..."

I was instantly quieted by his soft and melancholy tone, my name sounding almost too sad upon what I thought such hopeful air. His head slowly came to face my own, eyes returning reluctantly from their heavenly stare.

"Do you believe in immortality?" He asked softly, dark cerulean pools looking deep into my own eyes. I was baffled for a moment and shook my head, puzzlement clearly written on my features.

He smiled a crooked grin then gestured to the sky, both our eyes following his outstretched hand. "Out there... the light seems immortal, like it never ends." With one finger pointing out a few bright orbs, he continued. "The stars, some of them have probably been dead for thousands of years, yet we can still see their light. Is that immortality," his hand dropped heavily into his lap, "or just and illusion?"

After a moment passed, I shook my head again - silence my only answer to his question. He had had too much time alone to contemplate things, and I regretted it now. How many times had I just watched him from the porch, never letting him know I was there... how alone must he have felt...

"It's okay," he said quietly, eyes downcast. "I've been trying to figure it out myself."

I brought my hand up to rest on his shoulder, it seemed the only comfort I was able to give him as of late - the only comfort I had allowed myself to give. Perhaps now it was time for even that to change. He needed to know that he wasn't alone, that we were all here, especially me. We may not be of same blood, but we shared so much... We were a family, all of us. With our own problems and celebrations, and... and loves. 

Again I tried to speak, but the words became quickly unwritten in my mind. I couldn't remember correctly what I wanted to say to him, about how much he meant to me. I tried to grasp blindly for the thoughts that I had wanted to say for so long, but I couldn't... something more than words was needed...

**__**

I came along,

I wrote a song for you,

And all the things you do,

And it was called Yellow...

He began to cough again, more violently this time and I could feel his muscles tense against the onslaught. He covered his mouth with both hands, eyes watering from the force. I gently brought my hand down to his back and massaged slow circles, trying to calm the raging sickness within him. It was then that I noticed he was only wearing a thin tee shirt, providing minimal protection against the crisp night air. My heart jumped to my throat.

"God, Rowen," I said under my breath, quickly unzipping the sweatshirt I had been wearing to drape it across his pale shoulders. "You're not going to get better if you come out here like this!"

I hated this most of all. I hated watching him do nothing to make himself better, not even the simple task of wearing and extra coat when he went outside at night. 

Eventually, the coughing appeased, his breath coming out in a short, wheezing rush, and I noticed that he appeared to be almost laughing. 

"No... I guess I won't get better, huh..." He hugged the sweater closer around his body, pulling his knees up to his chest and burying his face in the dark gray cotton.

His words shocked me. _What did he mean? _It was as if he really had no intention of getting any better, maybe only getting worse. _Why didn't he care? Why should I care so much? _I sighed out loud, looking critically down at him.

"I don't know about immortality," I said quietly, letting my hand remain on his back. "But I do know that the stars are never alone."

He turned his head to look up at me, half his face still buried within the cotton folds. His eyes were fierce, almost like they were willing to start a fight. "Why do you say that?"

I could only look upward, staring to the heavens, ignoring his harsh attitude. I only hoped that he would understand. "You never see a star alone," I explained gently. "Even when you wish upon the first star at night, if you look close enough," I slowly returned my attention to him, "there is always another one around. Maybe hidden by the other's brilliance, but it's there none the less. There's always something... someone..."

I don't know why, but I put my arm around his shoulders, bringing him to lean against me. He tensed within my embrace, but I ignored it for the moment. I leaned down, my cheek coming to rest against his wild midnight blue hair.

"Rowen," I said quietly, my breath a mere whisper in the air. I didn't know what I was doing. Hell, I barely knew what I was saying... but it was something... something that needed to be said long ago. "You can't even imagine how much you mean to me..."

**__**

So then I took my turn,

Oh what a thing to have done,

And it was all Yellow...

Almost violently I was shoved away. Losing my balance with his sudden movement, I fell to the side. I stared back wide-eyed as Rowen glared accusingly at me.

"I don't want your pity!" He spat harshly, his voice broke with emotion and pain. "I don't need any of your pity or so called explanations of loneliness. What the hell do you know!"

"Rowen, I- " Sitting up, I reached for his arm, but missing as he pulled back suddenly.

"Save it, Sage." He got up on shaky legs, unwarranted anger in his eyes. "You where never abandoned... you were never sick and had no one to care for you... What do you know about how it feels to be all alone in this world?"

It was a verbal slap in the face. I couldn't understand where this attack on me was coming from. It wasn't true... I knew what it was like to be alone... more then he could possibly know. Yes, maybe not as far as family, but in companionship, I couldn't feel more lonely. I had never... cared for anyone or allowed myself to even entertain the idea. Discipline, control... those were the traits taught to me by my grandfather. The quiet, and reserved nature of kendo had cut me off, infected all areas of my life. Even that special place held aside for love...

I sat there in shock, watching him as he moved for the house. Maybe it was his anger and adrenaline rush leaving him as he got up too quickly, maybe it was the fact that he really was very sick and too weak for his hasty departure, but I watched in sadness as his legs gave out, as he stumbled, then collapsed to his knees on the ground.

I was on my feet and over him in a second, unsure of what to do, his words still ringing in my ears. He laid huddled there, his back heaving with tears as he seemed to weep uncontrollably. I reached out a hand, hesitating for only a second, before I put my arm around him. I knelt down, embracing his shaking body and pulling him up and close to my chest. I could feel his wet tears and hot breath against my neck as I cradled him gently, hushing him with words of calm, my heart racing within its prison.

"Oh Rowen," I said quietly, my own voice choked with emotion. I buried my face within his hair, teasing it softly with my lips. "What in the world is there in you that I could ever possibly pity?"

His arms moved hesitantly to wrap around my waist and I held him even tighter. I couldn't just let this perfect creature go without him realizing just how special he was, just how important he was in my life.

I moved ever so slowly, my hands coming to tilt his face up to my own. I felt my own skin heat as I gently wiped away the fallen tears from his cheeks. His eyes, as dark and beautiful as the night sky, stared up at me, shimmering and unafraid. My heart racing wildly, I bent down, my mouth coming to gently kiss away the pain that had left trails of wetness across his face. I came to capture his lips with my own, tasting the salty and night flavor that was my celestial warrior. 

His body fell completely into my arms, and our lips crushed together, harder then before. This need for wholeness, for acceptance... it was within us both. It was something we needed desperately... something more than words. 

****

Your skin

Oh yeah, your skin and bones,

Turn into something beautiful,

You know, you know I love you so...

An eternity passed before we finally broke away. I looked to him with the same amazement and wonder that he had on his own countenance, my breath completely stolen away. We were still so close, each heavy pant exchanged with the other's air. I couldn't speak - couldn't even move. I could only hope that he would see it in my eyes... see everything that he meant to me, to know that he was never alone, and never had to feel that way again. I needed him to understand the words that were written like an unspoken confession in my mind. I wanted him to comprehend fully the things that I never said, that I might yet have trouble saying. I only prayed that in my eyes, the passageways to the very soul, he would see... he would have to. There in my arms, at that moment, he would have to understand...

**__**

You know I love you so...

"Rowen..." The words were choked in my throat and I shook my head as I looked at him, my fingers gently smoothing away the wild hair that clung to his tear stained face. "You may think that I don't know what it is to be alone... to feel like there is no one on this earth who understands. But I do. Oh, god... I do."

I saw him blink back tears. "How could you?" His words were gently and sincere, wanting only the truth. He needed the truth, and I would not deny it to him.

"Because... because..." I tried to mouth the words correctly, afraid of what I might say, of what I might do. But the fear didn't really matter anymore... I could only tell him the answers he wanted. "All my life, I've had... had this emptiness within me. This hole, I guess you might say. No one," my fingers entangled in his hair as I pulled him just slightly closer to me, our foreheads touching, "no one has ever made me feel complete, accepted, cared for but... you, Rowen." I took a deep breath, my final words coming out in a great rush of relief. "It's always been you."

He shook his head slowly, confusion in his mind. "But you never showed it. You were just as bad as they were..."

It hurt... had I really been so cold and distant that I reminded him only of the abandonment left to him by his parents? Had I really hid my feelings so well that he never saw... never even thought to look?

"I'll change." It was the only promise I could make. It was the truth, too. There was nothing I wanted more in the world then to see him well again, to see him happy and complete. If that meant I had to change, to show him who I was, and to bare it all, I would... I would do so gladly. "Help me change for you..."

****

I swam across,

I jumped across for you,

Oh what a thing to do. 

Cause you were all Yellow...

He hugged me tightly, bringing his arms around my neck as I slipped my own around his thin waist. _Was that what he needed to hear? Was this what we both needed? _ A change in character, a change in who we were? Well then, he would also have to make a sacrifice... a small one, at best, but I needed to know...

"Rowen," I whispered in his ear, "I need for you to get better."

He was quiet, I could only feel his breath against me neck. His words were little more then a light breeze as they passed my ear. "I don't know how."

"Yes, you do." My words were firm. I couldn't stand the thought of returning to that cold hard prison of emotionless torture and perfect reserved nature. I wouldn't allow myself to, not as long as he was around. "You don't understand." I felt a solitary tear slip unchecked down my face. "You have to..."

**__**

I drew a line,

I drew a line for you,

Oh what a thing to do,

And it was all Yellow...

Rowen shifted his position, and peered up at me, my eyes set to some distant point, detached from that moment. His hand moved, and I could feel a finger coming to trace the wet path on my cheek left by the tear. He captured the wetness and looked curiously at it for a moment as it left a shimmering bead on his fingertip that slowly tricked away and fell.

"I just... I just don't want to be alone anymore..."

I turned back to him, my gaze resting upon him, his body so close to mine, his face right next to my own... _couldn't he see what this meant? Didn't he understand?_ "Rowen, you aren't. You will never have to be alone again."

_Was he crying again? _I couldn't bare it if he was, but he buried his face in my shoulder, grasping me tightly, clinging to my shirt. I could feel the desperation in him... he couldn't go through it if I left him... but I couldn't hurt him. I never was able to, and never would be able to.

"How can you be so sure?" His words sounded almost bitter, like someone had made him the very same promise a long time ago. _Had they broken his trust so badly? _I could only hold him there, his body so weak and soul so needing... I could only make a promise to him, one that I would die before I broke...

**__**

Your skin,

Oh yeah your skin and bones,

Turn into something beautiful,

And you know,

For you I'd bleed myself dry..

"Rowen, I'd do anything for you..."

**__**

For you I'd bleed myself dry...

He was still for a moment, slowly turning around, repositioning his body -back against my chest, head leaning tiredly on my shoulder as he looked towards the sky. I wrapped my arms around him, finding a comfort that I had never known before. I set my gaze to follow his, wanting to see the night as he did... wanting to know the beauty that he saw there. But he had to realize something even about the night. For it held far more answers then I even thought possible.

"You see the stars, Rowen?" He nodded his head. "No matter what, the stars are always there. They are constant, and they are yours. They always have been. Immortality _is _only an illusion, but the light they cast, no matter how long or how brief, are remembered for ages." I turned to his ear, finding solace as I whispered words meant only for him. "That light is there for you..." 

**__**

It's true,

Look how they shine for you,

Look how they shine for you,

Look how they shine...

"Sage?"

"Yes?"

"Would you mind if we stayed out here, just for a little bit longer? I want to share the stars with you."

I could only kiss him again for those words. I leaned over, his mouth so sweet and welcoming, full of hope once again and yes... love. We would stay there for most of the night - I holding him in my arms, sharing sweet kisses, and him telling me of the secrets the night sky held. But, as we stayed there in the pre-dawn night, my body providing warmth for him, I came to a realization that was not so profound... something that had probably been known to man for a long, long time - the perfect words would always remain unwritten, not in poem, prose, or song, but in simple companionship. There would always be need to have someone else so special in your life that it made nothing else matter. Right now, within my arms, the world could come to an end, the sun could fall from the heavens, but none of it would matter as long as he was there with me...

I couldn't explain it, exactly, but as we sat there, looking into the night sky, him talking eagerly of special secrets in the stars, I made a promise to always let the people around me know how I felt. I would never let Rowen go a day without him knowing just how important he was... how very special he was to me. For he really did have everything... even the night sky...

**__**

Look at the stars,

Look how they shine for you,

And all the things that you do...

Please leave a review... even if it is only a word or two, I would really appreciate it! ^.~


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